Nine Months

 

I have grieved for you as long as I carried you in my belly

Obviously I liked being pregnant more

this state is torture

You are just gone

vanished

I know what happened to your body

but I don’t know about your soul

I want to speak to you so much

and hear your voice

I read your notebook today

so fresh alive

you said my mom is so sad

If people are capable of change

I am changing every day

but one thing is constant

I thought I was bringing you in to the world to grow old

I thought I would get to see you middle aged

none of that

none

of

that

When you were a baby Liza and I rocked you around the house

bouncing you on my hip

singing I’m an old cow hand

from the rio grande

any old song that would cheer you

calm you down to

slumber

I sang you lullabies

Do you  remember the one

All the pretty little horses

Oh darling

I am lost